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guitar smash
20101227 @ 11:31 PM
*gasps* Guess what, I broke my vow and had Black Pepper Chix again. So much for not eating it in a month -.- I just had to have it in just 8 days. Now I feel like a fat monster it's not even funny. I don't get it, really. The more I say I want to lose weight, the more I eat. Right now though, I'm thinking it's because of my period that's coming which is the reason for my huge appetite. Still?

Anyway it's been awhile since I last blogged, I realised. Sorry for the short absence :)

So 2011's coming reeeeeally near. It's less than a week left considering the fact that it's past midnight now = Tuesday. This pretty sucks. Reality just hit me that I ask myself this, "What am I doing with my life?" Shit.

I am jealous okay, that most of others of the same age as me need not report for school in January next year. Sometimes I imagined myself in Express stream. I think I'd just die but what's the use of saying all of that now? God have made my life this way, I chose it to be this way. So be it.

That brings me to my next point. I have friends who have teachers as their parents. Then I thought to myself, if my parents were teachers, I wonder how drastic a change my life would be? Maybe I'd be many times smarter. Or maybe not so much of that, I bet it's more to discipline. Very strict discipline, at that. Because right now I think my parents are giving me too much freedom that I took advantage of and became a very, very lazy girl.

And that brings me to another point! Special, Express, NA and NT. I still don't get why the need to have different streams? I heard in my mum's time, they only had one stream. Which was NA. Which also meant normal. So why not stick with being normal and not make the others be abnormal? Okay I don't mean it in literal but, seriously? Don't you know that being in different streams, you are in a way separating the bond? It's really weird to be around each other, you know. It's like Special/Express versus NA/NT. And there'll never be a game over. Or so I assume. I've been noticing especially this year, the year when I passed by a lot of different people, that we don't know each other. We may be in the same school, wearing the same uniform, singing the school song every Monday together, singing the National anthem everyday, celebrating school events together, but - we don't know each other. How sad is that?

'Nuff said.

RIGHT NOW I'M SO ANNOYED I FEEL LIKE BASHING SOMEONE UP.

Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like bashing someone up because of what I just ranted. It's because of a whole different matter. Damn.

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when things get emotional
20101007 @ 7:19 PM
This is seriously not a good time to feel like this, Heart. Get a hold of yourself, please. Do not let anything bring you down. I know there may have been the ups and downs in life but just because you feel like people are ignoring you, like how you feel on your birthday this year, JUST GET A GRIP AND MOVE ON. Life has to go on and you have papers to sit for tomorrow. What's worse, it's a Mathematics paper. Please don't be like this. Please straighten out your thinking and don't feel so insecure. Don't fucking think too much, will you? Just stop it. Stop feeling things that are not necessarily true and think seriously fucking too much.

Leave it. Leave everything behind and look forward to the papers. Just afew more to go. Imagine if all of this never happened. Imagine you never hung out with the people you did and be close to them like how you are now. Don't fucking care about anyone else no more. Because you know they don't appreciate the things you do so what's the point?

Anyway since you've deactivated your fucking FB account now, it somehow lifted quite a weight in your heart, doesn't it? Now you don't need to feel paranoid if someone wrote bad things on your wall and people read it that's why they ignored you or something. And now you don't have to stalk people, look at their photos and read stuff and know things that you don't favour.

The feelings'll go away if you let them. Go and study to distract yourself. Have a Maths marathon today for hours. Just think ONLY about Maths tonight to tomorrow. After that, after Malay P2, go study POA and have fun shopping. Retail therapy, okay?

And then Saturday will come sooner than you know it and you'll be having fun. With the familia. You see, things aren't that bad as you see it as. Everything'll be fine. Everything's good. This is temporary. It's for awhile to test how strong you are. Allah is testing your patience. You can get through this.

Everything will come to an end.

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bloody
20090828 @ 11:08 PM
My lips are killing me. I need a lip-balm! Or Bonjela. Fast. Now. Damn.

And I want to go shopping. Tomorrow :)

It's been a week now. I'm glad things are doing well.

Alhamdulillah.

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in need
20090730 @ 8:46 PM
Of security, assurance, perhaps?

Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact. -Henry James
Just another emotional breakdown.

I really need someone to really talk to at this point of time. Someone who I can really trust, someone who would just hear whatever problems I'm facing right now and have all the explainations and solutions to it. Maybe I should even make it clear and express my deepest feelings/regret which I've kept for a long time now, to the people who're concerned.

If only starting a conversation was that easy.

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