when things get emotional
20101007 @ 7:19 PM
This is seriously not a good time to feel like this, Heart.
Get a hold of yourself, please.
Do not let anything bring you down. I know there may have been the ups and downs in life but just because you feel like people are ignoring you, like how you feel on your birthday this year, JUST
GET A GRIP AND MOVE ON. Life has to go on and you have papers to sit for tomorrow. What's worse, it's a Mathematics paper. Please don't be like this. Please
straighten out your thinking and
don't feel so insecure. Don't fucking
think too much, will you? Just stop it. Stop feeling things that are not necessarily true and think seriously fucking too much.
Leave it. Leave everything behind and look forward to the papers. Just afew more to go. Imagine if all of this never happened. Imagine you never hung out with the people you did and be close to them like how you are now. Don't fucking care about anyone else no more. Because you know they don't appreciate the things you do so what's the point?
Anyway since you've deactivated your fucking FB account now, it somehow lifted quite a weight in your heart, doesn't it? Now you don't need to feel paranoid if someone wrote bad things on your wall and people read it that's why they ignored you or something. And now you don't have to stalk people, look at their photos and read stuff and know things that you don't favour.
The feelings'll go away if you let them. Go and study to distract yourself. Have a Maths marathon today for hours. Just think ONLY about Maths tonight to tomorrow. After that, after Malay P2, go study POA and have fun shopping. Retail therapy, okay?
And then Saturday will come sooner than you know it and you'll be having fun. With the familia. You see, things aren't that bad as you see it as. Everything'll be fine. Everything's good. This is temporary. It's for awhile to test how strong you are. Allah is testing your patience. You can get through this.
Everything will come to an end.
Labels: emo moments, feelings, unhappy
just because
20100703 @ 10:52 PM
Because I have nothing else better to do. Because I thought I might just relive this blog for once. Because I think that at this point of time in my life, I should just rant like nobody's business. Because I miss having something to say to myself, be it as a reminder or just to let out the feelings and thoughts inside my head. Because I think it sucks to have a birthday just two days away (soon it'll be one) and not have any plans. Because I think I've gone bonkers and lost my drive to having fun, to go out and play, to laugh hard for the littlest things.
Because I really miss all of it. The people I used to hang out with. The people who I know as my friends. Where are you guys?
Labels: birthday, emo moments, flashback, life, memories, thoughts
sometimes
20090810 @ 8:04 PM
You.
Sometimes I feel like screaming to your face, sometimes I want to talk to you (talk about alot of things), sometimes I want to do some catching up with you, sometimes I want to walk up to you and ask how are you doing, sometimes I wonder why we're like how we are right now, sometimes I want you to know that I still care, sometimes I really miss you, sometimes I wonder whether you're going through the same as I am, sometimes I want to go out with you and have fun, sometimes I want you to know that I miss the old times, sometimes I wish you're the one that I could turn to whenever I feel down, sometimes I think maybe you didn't reply my texts because I sent to the wrong number (yes, silly me) (and yes, I deleted to forget you), sometimes I wish that is true, sometimes I wish you're here beside me, sometimes I wish what happened didn't happen in the first place, sometimes I thought I brought this upon myself so I've got no one else to blame, sometimes I want an explanation from you, sometimes I really wonder what's so great about you that it's hard for me to forget, sometimes I want you to never exist, sometimes I want you to be the one who starts the conversation, sometimes I wish you'd tell me that you felt (at least) a tinge of regret for what you've done, sometimes I want to forget all the memories we had, sometimes I tell myself that it was only a month of good memories so why the heck brood over it, sometimes, there's just too much to say.
& most of the time, you're stucked in my head and I feel like a fool.
Labels: emo moments, random
the beginning of me vs you
20090628 @ 4:47 PM
Oh hella good it's coming soon. The day after tonight. When hell's doors open to all. Every student has a free access pass to it! Mine would be a VIP seat with strawberry waffles and cherry on top thanks.
The most three awesome subjects which homeworks I didn't complete is on tomorrow.
Let's get ready for war. YEAH.
Labels: emo moments
get your armor
@ 3:06 PM
There's practically nothing interesting to blog about for the past few days. I want to write something but I just can't seem to know exactly what.
Anyway here's something from Ulfah's blog:
sometimes even your closest friend can just suddenly turn into competition in your eyes. and there's nothing you won't do to beat him/her.
lie, scream, cry.
nothing's out of the question as long as you prove to your parents and yourself that you are better than that person.
and somehow we learnt that the measure of a person is by their grades.
it has become ridiculous.
Which reminds me. I had a dream some nights ago about crying non-stop just because I lost to a couple of my friends. It was like a nightmare because I know I'm better than them. It's just. Lack of revision or something that went wrong somewhere. And I needed to prove them wrong. Or at least myself.
Like the subject AMaths too. I know I've not been good at it but I believe I'm improving. I chose to. I don't want to waste my parents' money that has been spent for the books and disappoint them. Of course struggling to get through it isn't the best part at the end of the day and I admit I don't remember the last time I felt accomplished when doing Maths.
But I always thought, I can do it. I'm capable of doing it. I'll get through it.
Now I don't know whether it's selfishness or ego and in denial that's preventing me to making the right decisions.
Labels: emo moments, life, shitzzz, studies
poofed
20090627 @ 2:09 PM
I can't be bothered anymore.
Labels: emo moments, life, shitzzz
