I love going for talks. It may get really dull and bore the hell out of me but for some, it's really useful and worth going for. Hence, it depends.
My bro's school has camps every year for every level. I think most is at the start of the year kinda thing but there are others during the March/June holidays, etc. I wish our school had the same thing. It'll be good for us. The only time, perhaps, that'll make us reflect a lot upon everything that we've done.
So yesterday was the last day of his camp and there was a talk for parents as well as students. I accompanied my mum, not truly knowing what I'll be there for. The trainer had a good sense of humour and whatever he said wasn't lame or any of that sort, more to facts and reality so thumbs up for that. Moreover, he kinda knocked some sense into me. I was thankful I came.
Then the last part was the part that truly moved me. It was about appreciating people, appreciating your parents, and letting them know that you love them although you don't express it. Seri, if you're reading this, it was almost the same kind of talk that one of the Ustaz gave us during RYC. One by one, students volunteerily came up to say a few words, to express how sorry they feel when they scolded their parents, talked back, etc. They expressed their guilt and was being frank, telling their parents (who were present at the talk), about everything. Each and every problem they faced, etc. Everyone teared and that was what made the whole atmosphere a very saddening one. I can't help but to tear as well. I was truly, truly moved. It made me realise how lucky I was, how I had to make something happen instead of just waiting for it, how I want to do well for my studies after all that my parents/teachers have done for me. It was like a wake-up call.
Now, I'm down with a sore throat for no rhyme or reason. Which is sad, but cure-able duh. And I'm currently at RP with Fie, combining brains for the video. It'll turn out really well, I can see it. All of you shall wait and see :)
So many things happening, so many things to plan (and unplanned, that's taking forever to happen), so many things to look forward to, so many things to face (in the near future that I'm obviously not prepared for), so many people changing (this, I don't really care), so many other so manys! UGH.
I didn't know life was this hard. I'm only sixteen. *sad face*
Okay today was great. The Hangs, Perempuan Punye! managed to complete the five scenes that is needed for the video. It was a lot of fun! All the dancing and laughing and camwhoring and kecoh that was neverending. We walked a lot hence our legs turned jelly and all everyone needed was a break. Which meant drinking and sitting HAHA. I'll upload the pictures on FB soon :)
Ah, another thing! We were all required to dress in an all-black attire so I wore something all-black (like literally) and I felt like a pure minah. Not gothic, mind you. It was like - I don't even know if there's any word to describe it HAHAHA. It just felt wrong and I was being so paranoid before I left my house. Maybe because of the leggings. But of course, after meeting the rest, it was like normal bcz they were all in black and I wasn't the only one in leggings!
Hang Ry just had to put on make-up for all of us so my face had eyeshadows and mosturizer and powder since God-knows-when. Twas all good though, everyone looked pretty and I love all of youuuuuuu.
Okay bye I need my sleep, my bolster, sleep, my bed, and my sleep :)
I guess nobody will understand how I feel. Nobody's gonna.
You know I miss that feeling of being special in someone's eyes. I know this is all wrong to begin with but even though there's so many guys I've talked to or been talking to, it's not the same as talking to someone you like and who likes you back as well. That kind of infatuation going on but it's just - you guys just - take it slow and enjoy the ride. All this while I may have been lying to myself. That part about moving on after my last relationship? That was the truth. It was all true but what isn't is that I found someone better to like. You get it? I've moved on. I've moved on with my life. But not with someone.
As much as I hate facing the reality that people are so deeply in love today and around me while I stay put and watch them, feeling jealous, I start to wonder - Why? Why is all of this happening?
For awhile now, I've been hoping. Hoping so much that it feels as if I made a vow to myself to fall in love instantly with whoever the guy is that will write me love letters. I just want someone enough to make me feel special. I don't want a boyfriend. I don't need one. Just someone to be there for me through thick and thin.
To make matters worse, I feel like I have noone at this point of time. Like noone would stop and listen. Hear me out for a moment - maybe even just for five minutes. Everyone's caught up with their own lives, everyone's got their own problems. I stop to listen to their woes but have they done the same for me? When I speak a little about how I'm feeling or what I wanna do, it's like - they brush me aside or something. Some changed the topic and we'll start talking like I never said what I said. Didn't they hear me? Didn't they wanna know? Didn't they care?
It's like we're running out of time and my patience is no longer here. Ya Allah, please help me.
Initially, I wanted to change my 'website' under my information on Facebook but I figure it'd be too risky. I don't really mind friends reading but family? Relatives? I won't have as much freedom to write about anything anymore and then it'd just be pointless to keep this place as a place where I can let everything out.
Anyway, today was definitely a better day than yesterday. Thank you, Shafila and Syazwan for cheering me up :) And to Hadirah, who took the time to teach me SS all this while. We even had a filling stomach after Starbucks and Hei Sushi earlier hehe caya lah!
Today's the day. I was counting down like I was counting down to the new year. Thank you to all for the wishes be it through texts or MSN or FB :) Especially to you xhzd, the one that was the first to wish me on FB. I really like you and I treasure our friendship. I know you're not just a friend and I hope you don't treat me the same way or worst - as a sister. Judging from how we interact for the past week, I know there's more to that. If you really think you're putting the wrong impression and gave me false hopes, then out with it already. Please don't waste my time. I'd love it if we remain like this for a very long time but I know it's impossible. Yeah I feel jealous for the littlest things that you did (and you prolly not know why or what) but maybe that's because I've fallen for you. However, I feel like there's so many barriers between us. And that you're drifting apart. The only way I could reach you is online. Please try to understand? If I could, I swear I'd sneak out to meet you and hug you tight. I know that it's all temporary. I'm fully aware that I've been there and done that. I'm clueless myself as to why all of this is happening. I just hope that it might be different this time. I need someone. Someone like you.
I wish you got into this place by some miracle and know how I feel.
I apologise for being such an ass at making decisions. I've always been. Just that this time, it's not my fault :D
There have been so many things on my mind recently, to be frank. I think it's unhealthy that I'm thinking alot too. I can feel it already. I hope I don't get sick! At least not anytime soon lol.
So there have been memories that I can't forget, but I forgave anyway because I'm nice like that :) Truth is, maybe I really had high hopes on you. Maybe I really thought that yknow, even if we won't be together, we'll be close friends. I didn't expect us to be in the situation we are right now. We don't talk anymore. At all. What are we now? Strangers? That was unexpected.
I've been spending most of my time in school. Like today. It's exhausting and I hate it how we have to endure no matter how much we're against it. Like cmon lah, there'll still be homework to be completed overnight. As if lessons in school aren't enough :(
Yes, I'm complaining. I will not - let me repeat - will not stop complaining. I can't live one day of not doing it. And I know you can't too :)
What's my lesson learnt? To never judge people too soon. Not by its cover, but too soon. But that's just me. I can try, though.
Firstly, I hate you. And you. And you. For making me wait and for fooling me.
Secondly, I am sooo proud of myself that I survived 2 hrs of POA today and I went for CCA since forever :) Haha I think I'll be coming more often because there's seriously alot of events lining up for us!
Thirdly, I love you. And you. And you. For being there for me and you're probably the only one I'm willing to waste my texts on. Strange, eh?
Eeeek, I ordered Nasi Goreng Seafood but I don't feel like eating it now.
Anyway, it's only a matter of days that I abandoned this blog haha. Bad habit, me!
Sooooo let me have a brief summary of what happened for the first week of school:
I was damn right excited for it. After 2 months of not attending, I shan't deny I missed it haha. Then school started and yada, new classmates, a workshop that ended at 4.40pm, back home and everyt. I dreaded the workshop man, but it was quite useful and fun anyway :)
Second day ended with EFL dragging to 3pm. Another long day and I was like, 6 more months to my birthdaaay! Hahaha smt random for someone who was tired and bored uh. By this day too, friends said I pangseh-ed them haha walao I'll make it up to you people la. Movie outing k!
Third was when school started late and after getting back home at 3+ close to 4pm, I had less than 2 hours or so to get ready again and go out for training. Of which, ended at 10.30pm and I reached home an hr after. I couldn't take it already at that point of time haha, so exhausted.
On Thursday, I had a very hard time to wake up. It felt like I only had 2 hrs of sleep when I had what, 5? We had PE as well. And we had to run and climb up stairs of 5-storeys high twice. My legs sure felt like breaking but it was surely worth it :D
Kay then Friday came, which was yesterday and it was looove! School as per normal and it was awesome because we only had 4 subjects and totally slacked haha. After school, an hr of for lunch and off we went to SP :D Got to roam around and get to know interesting courses they offer and spent about 3 hrs plus there. Then I was off to City Hall to meet Zulfy and we went back to school for the Sec 1's campfire. And that was when it all happened! The craziness, the partyin' atmostphere, the loud music, the great company, the dance grooves to the music, the hyper feeling sank in. Right in.
I listened to Mirza playing the piano, went towards the swing and swung with Juli, said bye to the rest and Hadi, walked out of school with Fadhil Sai Shad Sya (in alphabetical order haha), stopped by CC for restroom and snapping of photos, walked to McD for supper, dropped by Cheers to get somebody his choc, parted with Fadhil and Sya, trained home with Sai and Shad, waited for somebody and passed him his chocs, reached home before 11pm and yeah :)
That pretty much sums up the 5 days :D Happy reading la eh haha. As for today, I went to Wlds lib and borrowed afew books. I can't complain of not having to do anyt now!
Oh my god I miss this space. It's been such a long time and since it's the new year, I've decided to revive it :)
As usual, year by year, it feels indifferent. I mean yeah new year woohoo new resolutions yeah yada boo. It all comes down to one thing every single time. Insecurity.
I felt it before and I'm feeling it again. You know, the feeling when you stop everything and realise that hey new year's here like what the hell am I doing I have homework to finish and there's school next week and I'm so fucking scared of what's instored for meee.
Bleah I shall put that aside for now. BUT SERIOUSLY I'M PARANOID.
K anyway I love Taufik Batisah alot and watching him perform live right infront of my two eyes was just amazing. I even got to touch his hand last night and I was over the moon by then! It was my first and definitely a memorable one. I won't forget the last day of 2009. Ever.
And I love you HAZIQ ABD HALIM for accompanying me throughout and not complain when I was hyperventilating and just wouldn't stfu. I love you too NURAMIRA SHADRINA for meeting me yestd and spending the first few minutes of 2010 with meh! I hope 2010's gonna be a blast for us all ♥ ♥ ♥
Right. So I apologise to those who've come here numerous times only to find the same exhausted post all over again!
(If anyone ever comes here, anyway) (Damn, that is such a common phrase) (But really, whoever, me love you okay) (Okay back to posting-)
I've not been busy. Just a little lazy (and I've said this before, time and again). Man, I love to complain :)
Sept hols are ending. I'm not done with Maths because I don't have a bloody fulscap/foolscap. It's frustrating but it is what it is. I couldn't get out to get new ones because shops are not opened at 7am. Not until now. So I'll most prolly get off soon and buy a whole stack of it :) 10's a nice number.
Then I needn't get so tense everytime it finishes.
Side note. This may be the second last post (last would be a goodbye *sad music on the background*) because I'm listening to Chris B's Say Goodbye in Ziq's blog. There's never a right time, you know. Just never...
FTW. Reason being, I've moved to another island :) Far far away from here...
Yesterday have got to be the thirstiest day of the month. Firstly, I was already yawning - and I just did as I type that - plus, with the sunny weather that made me feel so warm, restlessness is all I could feel. Even right now, as I type, I don't know what I should do. It's just lazyness or something that's creeping up on me. If only I like the feeling of that :( Maybe it's one of the times when I just need to get up, get out and take a breather. Or exercise! At least do something that keeps me perspire and active.
So anyway, I went back to JPS to catch up with alot of friends and visit the teachers. Was supposed to meet Tazi at Yis but he ditched. I ended up making my way there alone but still met him and afew others outside the school gate. They allowed only 20 to enter at a time which was something different, I thought.
Then it was as per norm - little conversations here and there, some laughters, lots of reminiscing moments, etc. I really miss them alot. I thought of the times when we would tease each other when someone likes someone, when we walked to Malay class chattering away loudly, when we had so much to talk about during Malay lessons, when we had afew misunderstandings and catfights, when we would stayback till late to help each other with schoolwork or just to slack, when we would have tonnes of jokes to share, when we would run about at the netball court catching each other - all of those. I wish there are some videos that I could look back upon and smile. There were so much to remember that I couldn't depend on my memory.
I couldn't deny I felt a little awkward, though. Seeing the fact that not many from my batch went to Andss, I saw many with their cliques. They look so comfortable and happy whilst I, just felt a little odd. Sometimes I wish we could have a reunion of which we can really bond all together again and talk about anything under the Sun like the old times. But perhaps that isn't possible. Or maybe we, too, haven't find a right time yet, if that's the case.
Nevertheless, I'm still happy to see all of you guys :) And no matter what happens, know that I'll always be here for you. Just beep me anytime, okie.
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I finally made my IC yesterday too haha. For now, I shall cuddle myself in bed and watch TV until I could think of something else better to do!
I'm updating only after 2 hours plus after logging in. Loser.
Anyway, the past three days've been busy.
On Friday, there was a carnival at school and it was the bomb. The whole atmosphere was pretty hyped up with red and white beings everywhere. Lots of interesting booths as well :) Truth be told, I didn't really got busy on foot that day. Spent most of the time at Inspire Town watching awesome people battling out on Guitar Heroes! I had the urge of wanting to try myself and so I did, in the end. When most of the people already left, obviously haha. So I sang with Jia Hao playing the drums and Zul together with YJ on the guitars. We played What I've Done by Linkin Park since it probably is the easiest song out of all the others and for once, I felt like a rockstar taking over the "stage" :D There isn't that much pictures because of obvious reasons duh haha.
JH wasn't in photo :(
That aside, I finally had laksa during lunch with Nat along with Syairah, Azlin, Haziqah and Zul after school. I like how laksa tastes like when eaten together with the cockles :D
The girls left earlier and the remaining us took photos of ourselves together after that.
Want fight ah? Come ah. Lol.
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Saturday was to JB and I got myself afew things that I'm quite contented with. Other than that, the day was spent eating and eating as per usual :P
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Then on Sunday, yesterday, I woke up early as if it was a school day to do CIP. I'm kinda glad I could wake up because the previous night was spent on late night calls and I was too hyper to go to sleep haha. We had to help serve food at the event where PM Lee actually came and twas all good. Pretty slacked but I still enjoyed myself anyway.
A pity my ballon burst (and I blame the grass, thanks). Haha but Elyn was so nice that she gave hers to me but in the end, I gave it to a little boy instead. The name's Nigel, I think. As what his mother called him :D
And then I took my first LRT around that area. I've only took at Sentosa or Changi Airport but never at Farmway. Pretty much exciting but all the same as MRT anyway haha.
I spent my time lazing around that afternoon. Just because I didn't wanna go out and be among the crowd. Claustrophobia man, like seriously -.-
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Today. I did Malay. Keratan akhbar and that's that. Damn.
As promised, I shall blog about yesterday. A quick one!
Photoshoot at Marina Barrage was awesome. Our similar tops are so pretty and colourful that every photo taken is fabulouso :D I've also concluded that taking photos with the grass and sky are always beeeautiful.
The plan that took place weeks ago finally came. An outing with Nat that took us ages to make it happen haha. We had deep conversations that we haven't had for a long time (like seriously) and I enjoyed every minute of it. Tonnes of stories, smiles and laughter shared and we shall do this monthly from now on!
I thank you for the kick-ass hilarious and fun day, for trusting me, and or all that we've shared, it'll only be between us. Love you lots, Chemist! ;)
Oh, and something else. Unexpected, we saw my primary school friends and I swear I miss them. They were celebrating Fad's birthday and I guess all of them overtook me alrd :( I need to grooow. Anyway here's wishing you a blessed and awesome birthday, Fadeelah! :)
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Today, I fasted. Without waking up for Sahur, you have no idea how upset my stomach was. It kept on grumbling but I persevered through. Despite having smelled whatever food that very much tempted me, despite seeing someone drinking bubble-t, despite seeing the delicious-looking food on the cover of a cookbook I saw at the library, despite the crave I had for Starbucks, despite all of that; I GOT THROUGH IT.
I'm glad it did because it wasn't easy, what with my moodswings. You should really go away.
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Isman, your face is haunting me -.-
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Shit. Tomorrow's Monday. Another long day at school. Make that a dreadful week. Like last week. So many things are going to happen and lots of things are needed to be done!
The movie Harry Potter & THBP was interesting. All the sound and visual effects were great but I don't think it goes the same for the storyline. Gotta admit though, during the scene on which Dumbledore died, it brought tears to my eyes. Like all these years he was there for Hogwarts and all of a sudden, he's gone :/ Everyone said WTF or showed the 'look' after the show as the ending was pretty disappointing. Just catch it if you want to since I suck at reviews and I shan't rant about it further :)
Our plan eventually succeeded. To bugis to accompany Amiirawr for some shopping and then off to NLB for homeworks. Productive much. After that over dinner, I had Hokkien Mi and was full after that since they serve in large portions! But nvmd, it's worth it haha.
I'm tired. Prolly won't blog about RHD since there's practically nothing to blog about except for the fact that I felt very restless during lessons today. Even counted down to end of every period sey. Mondays just suck.
Screw that. At least my model moment after school was awesome and being a Nyonya for a day felt niceee :D
Last Saturday, it was a day trip to JB. Not that we haven't been going there often, it's just that a day trip is pretty rare. We basically slacked over at grandparents' while dad was behind the house picking rambutans with granddad. I swear I have this fear of going near fruits which is by far, my worst weakness ever. I'm just being conscious of it, I guess. A little too much :/
Moving on. Spending time at grandpop's residence was surprisingly fine. Since young, I never actually liked it. Perhaps this time round I realised I could make use of the camera and take photos :D Plus, I brought my malay compo along hahaha, how nice *angel face*
Mine and sis' same pair of shoes :D
Lookie! It's little starfruitsss.
Yes, it's ANTS. Blame the rambutans haha.
Before we head home, we had dinner and I ordered this.
This space shall be a dedication to Nat, Zul and everyone else that matters :)
Nat; Hey girl if you'd ask me again on how we got close, I'd say it doesn't really matter because that was the past. As for now, we're closer than before and I treasure every moment spent with you! We should always look forward to the future and it would be our counts to years of friendship :) You're the most cheerful girl I know of and have always been smiling and laughing. Keep it up okay, be happy always and ignore whatever that happens to make you sad! You were great ytd to have made a surprise with the balloon that plastered a smile on my face even to sleep hahaha. I'd like to thank you so much and now I can't wait for our next outing together! <3
Zul; Boyyy, you never fail to cheer me up whenever, wherever :D Thanks for all the crappy times and you know what, I don't like to call you Sotong already. For one, the more someone calls you that, the more of a Sotong you'll be. And two, I prefer Octupus haha :P you've always been a great friend and I remember being afraid of you as well as trying to keep my distance just because I thought you fall in love too easily back in Sec 1. Hahahaha good times! Now you're ever so tall and matured already. I can't believe my own eyes sometimes XD and in reply to your post, I do bother lah aiyo. Thank you too for ytd alrgt. Perhaps without your funny acts, Nat and I wldn't have laughed so much more :)
& lastly, to those that matters! To those that took the time to bake for me (Shad, my panas partner), to those that planned surprises for me (Nat, Zul, By, Arima, Syfqh), to those who took the time to get me presents (you know who you are), to those who texted me at midnight and today (you know who you are too), to those who basically wished me alot of times through different means of communication, and everything! I can't thank you all enough. Love and sincerity from the bottom of my heart from me to all of you.
I don't know where to start. I feel extremely touched by alot of people and although there wasn't any tears of whatsoever, really, the feeling was undescribable. You just couldn't express them in words :)
Special thanks to my dearest WGN and Mr Octupus for ytd's beyond awesome outing! I knew they were up to something but of course, I didn't know what at all. So apparently when I was (well, I was supposed to be) alone at the Esplanade's rooftop, they came with this hugeass balloon that left me speechless! (Yeah I love to call it hugeass because it's really huge haha.)
We then sat around just laughing and talking about random stuffs and taking alot of pictures. There were once when this person walked past us when the camera just snapped so end result was a picture of his butt :D it was hilarious. And then since there was a preview of the NDP, we got to see the parachutes, the helicopters and ESPECIALLY (I can't help but stress this.) THE FIREWORKS!!! I loved it to bits and pieces. I got higher soon after too. It's the loud sounds and atmosphere that just turns you on. Anything loud is good. (Excluding metal and screamo music eh thanks.) Ah, it also brought back memories on watching it on my very birthday last year too :D
Drinks on the house at Starbucks after that. More crazy times and I shan't deny I actually felt good and proud carrying the hugeass balloon home :D but yes, thanks to Zul too for accompanyg till I reach Yishun! Nyeaha.
Thank you By, Arima and Syfqh for the advanced birthday presents! You guys surprised me with a big and delicious presents that lightened up my day from right on. You guys inspired me and are loooved too :) I shall post a pict of the presents when I've taken them with Sony!
I then met up with WGN aft school and had lunch at Mcd. Spent a good four hours there just talking and laughing about random stuffs. I haven't hanged out aft sch since the term started anyw so I didn't mind or else I'd be at home doing homework or watching the chinese drama Brotherhood or sleeping. (See, so guai.) Hahahahaha. Another outing with her and Mr Octopus tmr!
I love the sky. The clouds are pretty. The atmosphere's great. The people, wonderful people here.
I'm staying. I am. I want to. So much and so gonna.
Just not now. Not yet. Soon, hopefully. All of us can dream, right? :D
One more on the wishlist.
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Kota Kinabalu (KK) was really an experience. It's almost 7 hours from Brunei, travelling over 300km to get there, passing by Sarawak and basically at Sabah.
It was my first time and it was awesome getting to know their culture. Their ais kacang has macaronis in them!!! Sedap sekali hahahaha.
More updates later since the camera needs to be charged woo.
Something to start off the day! It will only take a good 4 minutes and it's worth it especially if you need a little inspiration to push you further :D Click here.
I woke up really early today. I couldn't sleep back so I thought maybe it's a chance for me to finish up some homeworks after all that I haven't done yesterday when I assumed I could have. The feeling of guilt was horrible.
And then Haziq called and entertained my boring morning. I also found out that some of the works passed to me wasn't for the holidays' but for the days I was absent -.-
Okay I want to learn. But definitely not you, Maths. *gives the death stare*
